Florence, being a tourist town, is home to many bars, pubs, and dance clubs to satisfy visitor’s appetite for night life. One of these venues is called is One Eyed Jacks. The man behind the bar looks like someone you would not want to pass in dark alley at night. He is about 6 foot 2 inches tall, bald head, tattoos, broad shoulders, with a menacing facial expression. His name is Gabriel Guazzini 36 years old (born on March 19 1974) and he couldn’t be a more friendly, open and honest person. Gabe, as he is called, is a native of Prato, a small textile manufacturing town approximately 50 minutes away from Florence. When asked why he moved t Florence he said “I was bored and I just had to get out to a big city.” Gabe’s story is one of courage, resilience, and independence. For 8 years Gabe dated a girl (who will remain nameless upon request) who he loved. Once they broke up on May 20 of 2008 he was devastated and needed something to help him move on. He explained that the solution he came to was o leave his job, sell his house, and start a new life in Seattle Washington. He got a job at Flotation Records where he worked as a graphic designer. It is evident that he is a creative person. He explained his band he is a part of, The Smell of Trees. He blends his creativity along with the separation from his girlfriend in a commemorative tattoo on his upper back. Gabe says he has long term goals of returning to the United States. As for now he is content bartending at One Eyed Jacks.
Jason,
ReplyDeleteThis is very well written and reported. You included a lot of details, specifics that helps a reader feel like he/she knows Gabe. (By the way, it is Gabriele, not Gabriel - got to get those spellings down right in journalism. Also, I think it is One Eyed Jack.)
Overall, I like your staccato writing tone and the way Gabe's story unfolds.
You probably should have added a little more info about why he's no longer in Seattle, but at One Eyed Jacks. And that he is a co-owner.
Things to work on:
Punctuation
Language use
Polishing
Punctuation:
Yours: "....start new life in Seattle Washington. He got a job at Flotation Records where he worked...
Better: "... start a new life in Seattle, Washington. He got a job at Flotation Records, where he worked....
Language use:
Yours: "For 8 years Gabe dated a girl... who he loved."
Better: "For eight years, Gabe dated a girl... whom he loved."
Polishing:
Um, read it again. Lots of dropped letters here and there.
His name was spelled correctly...I promise! He wrote it down for us because he had trouble spelling out the letters in English!
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